Dr. Bob Beare
The amends process is tricky stuff. When I was early in recovery, I was hurting and was looking for something to knock back the pain. I had let go of the drugs, alcohol, codependent love, compulsive sex, gambling, etc…OMG! What is left? Well, I could say “I’m sorry” another thousand times. That works for a few seconds.
I was encouraged to take it easy, a concept that was also foreign in so many ways. The early months of recovery are a restorative time, a time to learn how to see ourselves more clearly. The amends process is advanced personal growth and requires much “adult supervision”.
I have been thinking about it like Acupuncture. As I understand it, the needles disturb the meridians so that energy flows more naturally. Relationships get blocked and require a painful intervention to become fluid again. In the amends process we find that most of the time, it is not that painful (the needles don’t really hurt in acupuncture either) and the results are positive.
If quantum physics has it right, we are all connected. The amends process, if done in a mature way, after a thorough and patient self-examination process, can open up a healthy and natural way of interacting with others.