Awaken


Who looks outside, dreams, who looks inside, awakes.” Carl Jung “Don’t fall in love with a dreamer” Kim Carnes/Kenny Rogers

I was a dreamer. Eternally gazing outward, fascinated and pulled toward the grandeur, and wonder which existed beyond. Frankly, I still am. Yet dreams which exist void of awareness, and understanding of what’s deep inside oneself are merely counterfeit illusion. I spent the majority of my life dreaming such dreams.

Although having received many blessings in my life, being a father to three lovely children is one of the greatest, over the course of decades inhabiting this planet I often found myself confused and perplexed at the outcomes of many of my dreams. I am an addict, and willfully chose that limited existence for quite a long time. As my addiction deepened, and my pursuits into the far out ether gained steam, I drifted farther and farther away from my authentic self. I had a good heart, yet I was adept at breaking those of other’s around me. I considered myself honest, and loyal, yet my actions proved otherwise. My aplomb at destroying relationships, burning bridges, and disappointing those I professed to love grew to fantastic proportion. All the while I morphed slowly into an utterly untrustworthy person, constantly lying to others, and to myself with the delusion that it was all part of my quest to find infinite meaning. I had become a despicable individual. Individual is a keyword here. Though I would not admit it at the time, I was in it for me, and for me alone.

Unequivocally the universe manifests in our lives that which we practice in thought, word, and deed. I know this to be true. Alone is exactly where I found myself. Though a few family and friends stuck by me, offering unwavering love and support throughout my addiction, I alienated most of the people with whom I had formed connection. One grisly day I gazed at my reflection in the mirror, truly there was a stranger gazing back at me.

Separated from honest self awareness of who I was, my hopes and dreams had no foundation. My actions were merely selfish attempts to blast off out there, like a rocket ship on a one way mission into space, denying how my behaviors affected the lives of others, and living as if I would never return home. You will notice the second line of Kim and Kenny’s song is quite dire, “Don’t fall in love with a dreamer, cause he’ll break you every time.”

It’s true. Someone who is dreamer, yet not awake will break you every time. I did a great deal of breaking. Though this sad song may leave us little hope of repairing our broken selves, and relationships, that too is a delusion. There is indeed liberation from our despair and pain.

Thankfully Dr. Jung’s wisdom provides a more salient message for life. By looking inside we may awaken. I was offered such liberation, and this freedom was delivered by the gift of pain. After a prolonged experience of slamming up against the wall of internal pain enough times, I finally recognized I was broken, and I needed help. It is in the deep exploration of this brokenness, and by rattling loose the repressed fears and trauma which shackled my life, I am finding freedom and gold. At the very moment I was ready to listen, and take the suggestions of others who had done their own internal work, a small light began to flicker. Slowly, I began to realize I am not alone, that we are all connected to a vast community of caring. A community filled with compassionate others who are experiencing and overcoming the same struggles in this life which I face. It is by knowing myself, and receiving my own healing, I become capable to help others. It is the only way. By discovering our authentic selves, and helping each other heal from past traumas, we may embrace the rich and vibrant life available to us all. It is upon this foundation that Deep Waters Recovery Network is built. We invite you to join us on a journey toward connection. Together let us address what’s limiting our lives, and take practical steps to know ourselves deeply so that we may find liberation from any dependency. We are here to help each other. We are here to heal each other.

Awaken with us.

I am grateful you are here

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